The Crime of Hypocrisy

Tiger's Log: Jan 2005
Age: 21 months

Violence begets violence, I always tell myself (and anyone within earshot) when the temptation to spank Tiger gets a little too strong. As far as possible, I'd like spanking to remain a non-realised form of discipline in our household.

While there may well be pros and cons to it, what I would like to say here really isn't about spanking at all. It's about violence and hypocrisy.

I was taught a humbling lesson today, from an incident which I'm still learning from. The incident itself doesn't bear recounting here, but suffice to say that I responded to a provocation (from a complete stranger) with more aggresion than was warranted. While blows were thankfully avoided, I certainly raised my voice loud enough to wake up the dead, and was perhaps not all that far away from physical conflict.

The worst part? Tiger saw the whole thing.

Which means that he saw his Papa turn aggressive, shout and curse, for a reason he could not possibly comprehend. It means that like it or not, I've contributed to some false impression in his mind that violence is a natural solution to problems. Not surprising, since he naturally looks up to his father as a role model, a role which I've certainly denigrated in no small measure thanks to my actions.

When Tiger's mama told me how scared he was when he saw me so furious, I was - in all honesty - besieged with guilt. I realised to my dismay my own hypocrisy in so flippantly tossing around the 'violence begets violence" mantra, when I myself was so ready to succumb to aggression.

It's certainly no exaggeration to say that whatever virtues you desire for your children, you must first be able to exemplify them yourself. Otherwise, it's all just wishful thinking.

As for me, I can only hope and pray that I am able to set a better example for Tiger henceforth. There is perhaps no greater disappointment for a man than to realise that his children cannot look to him as an example.

In doing what I did today, I am certain that I did more violence to Tiger than anyone else.